Sunday, December 16, 2012

Goat Sandwich

There's a goat there, gnome saying?


Hi. I usually start a potential blog post by uploading a picture from my phone with a stupid title and some stupid comment to get it started. Then I usually delete said stupid comment and title, and write something else. In this case, I feel my original stupid comment and title were sufficient.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Jeff and Heather Abandon Their Child for 18 Hours

I haven't blogged in a while, because who cares, right? Also when I was working on this post, I spent a good amount of time on it and it had many pictures and witty remarks. Then I clicked on something and all of a sudden the post, and witty remarks, disappeared. I then spent an hour trying to recover it. That didn't work out, so I had to type everything again. So for a while I decided to play Borderlands 2 instead of blogging, is what I am saying. 

Anyway, in some distant time ago (September), Heather and I had a night off from Connor and spent the evening in Boston. We went to Boston and went to go ride bikes, like we do, when I noticed I had a flat tire. I usually fix my own flat tires I should say, but we were in a race against time to get somewhere, so I brought the wheel to some bike store a block away. While I was at the bike shop I bought a hat to wear underneath helmets. I bought this:

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Better Know Your Arnie: T-Shirt

BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.

Arnie came out with a clothing line this year. As the world's most famous blogger about beverages named after Arnold Palmer, I bought a bunch of stuff. I don't think his line did well since Amazon.com had a big sale. One item I bought is just a t-shirt with his logo on it:


Well, I have to say, the t-shirt tasted really bad. It wasn't even a liquid. I tried chewing on it for a time but that was a pain and unrewarding. I put it in a blender, and that didn't help much. I then added some liquid Arnie, and I was at least able to swallow it. So, yeah, I do not recommend eating Arnie's clothing.


Jeff's Score*: 1. One point above the Skinny Arnie that tasted like metal. That Skinny Arnie  I feared for my health. The T-Shirt one I knew it was just cotton.

Varieties: White and Black t-shirt

Availability: Low. I don't think there will be a 2013 Arnie Collection.

Stores:  Amazon.com and some golf stores.

*Jeff's Score is a weighted score where Regular Arnie is a 90, Redneck Arnie is a 20, the one Skinny Arnie I had that tasted like metal is a 0

P.S. I think this might be the dumbest thing on the internet. First of all, it is a post on a really dumb food based blog. It is also the 12th in a dumb series (BKYA) about a dumb beverage. And then the whole point about this particular post is a dumb joke where I pretend I am so dumb that I ate a t-shirt. I know the internet is really large and filled with lots of dumb things, but I think this post is in the top 1% of dumb things on the internet. Thanks for reading is what I am saying.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Better Know Your Arnie: The $4 Peet's Arnie


BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.

Hi. I haven't done a BKYA post for a while. You guys probably think I have run out of Arnie varieties, fear not, imaginary reader! I just haven't felt like spending my free time writing about beverages no one cares about.

Anyway, I present to you the $4 Peet's Arnie:


I don't drink much coffee. I like it, and have had heavy coffee habits in the past. But in order that I don't feel bad about my soda and Arnie dependency, I try to avoid too much coffee. Heather drinks coffee. Sometimes she goes to fancy coffee stores, some of them have an Arnie alternative which I order, at Peet's they call an Arnie an "Iced Tea Lemonade". I call it the "$4 Peet's Arnie". Regular Arizona Arnie's are $1. Is it four times better? No. But it is highly scored in my stupid blog.

Jeff's Score*: 93

Varieties: Just this one

Availability: Low. Only at Peet's

Stores:  I just told you. Only at Peet's. These categories are stupid.

*Jeff's Score is a weighted score where Regular Arnie is a 90, Redneck Arnie is a 20, the one Skinny Arnie I had that tasted like metal is a 0

Monday, October 1, 2012

This Dumb Blog News: Equipment Upgrade

Hi all,
Sorry it has been so long without a post. I just haven't felt like it. I do have a backlog of about six different pictures of a beverage containing half iced tea and half lemonade. So you have those to look forward to. Speaking of pictures, this post is just to announce I have upgraded my photographic equipment. Most pictures I put in these blogs are taken on my phone, because I'm lazy and it is easier to upload them from my phone. Well, I got a new iPhone 5, replacing my iPhone 4. One of the main upgrades in the phone is that it has a better camera. So you have higher quality pictures to look forward to. For instance, I took a picture of Thomas the Cat with my iPhone 5:


Here's a picture of the same cat with my iPhone4:


Much better, don't you think?

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Jeff's 37th Birthday

Hi. It was my 37th birthday on Sunday. 37 is kind of boring. 36 was 6 squared, so that was exciting. I guess 37 is a prime number, and it's been six years since the last prime number birthday, so there's that. Ah, you guys don't care about math, you want to see some food. First, since I took the photos, I should mention I always try to go to the closest Sox game to my birthday. This year it was two days before my birthday:


The tickets were front row in the bleachers. There was a big empty aisle in front of me so I was obsessed with the chance I could get a HR ball. The game was terrible, the Sox lost 2-0 to the Yankees and I didn't come close to a HR ball. Can this season just end already? Then the next night Heather and I saw Bloc Party at the House of Blues:


Concert photos with a phone are always bad. 

Anyway, let's get to my birthday. I got to sleep in. I woke up around 7:45, but didn't get out of bed until 9am. That's sleeping in for me. Heather got me breakfast. So here comes the food, are you excited? Bam:

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Eggs: Egg McMuffin

I recently heard that Egg McMuffins have less than 300 calories. I was surprised that they could manage that. I then thought about it and I don't think I ever ate an Egg McMuffin before. I've have the Sausage McMuffin a few times, maybe, but not the one with ham on it.

So one morning when Connor didn't take a morning nap, we moseyed down to McD's to get an Egg McMuffin. Similar to the first post on this blog about the Filet-o-Fish, they happened to have a promotion, two McMuffins for $3.33. One was about $3, so I had to get two. My first Egg McMuffin:


For the second, I got the Sausage McMuffin:


Connor had some of the Muffin part of a McMuffin:


I thought it was pretty good, especially for under 300 calories. I got sick of it pretty quickly though. I ate a little over one McMuffin of the two. Connor ate a bunch of the muffin of the rest. I don't think I'll get one again. I would just wait until lunch was available, then eat somewhere else because McD's isn't very good. EGGS!!!!


Monday, September 10, 2012

Eggs: Sunny Side Up

This will be a nice and short blog because, I've been writing about eggs too much. But, I made Sunny Side Up eggs the other day. This is the egg:


Eggs: Taco Bell Cantina Bowl

Ok, there were no eggs in this dish, but I like keeping the "Eggs:" in the title, because, hey, eggs! Also, if I keep it up, it will be kind of funny to have an "Eggs: R.I.P. Ad Rock" blog title (hopefully that will happen at the earliest in 2072). Anyway, I got the new Taco Bell Chicken Cantina Bowl:

Eggs: Poached Eggs

I woke up the other day, sprung out of bed and said "I'm going to make poached eggs today!" It was a strange start to the day. The thing is, I had no idea how poached eggs are made. Whenever I've had them they usually had been Benedictized with ham and Hollondaise sauce. I knew it involved boiling water, that's about it. So to the internet! I did research. I think this link helped the most.

I told Heather about my grand plan to conquer the poaching of an egg. She rushed out to the store and came back with heirloom eggs:

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Eggs: Scrambled Eggs

Whenever Heather and I are watching TV, and she sees Gordon Ramsay, she says, "Hey, there's your boyfriend." I usually mumble back: "That's not my boyfriend, jerk face." The reason she calls him my boyfriend is because I watch a bunch of his shows, like Hell's Kitchen, Masterchef, and Kitchen Nightmares. So, Heather is bombarded with me watching Gordon Ramsay, my apparent boyfriend. I need to point out that Hell's Kitchen is a horrible show. The editing is annoying, the people are just terrible cooks and I only watch it because it is a complete train wreck. By the end of the season, when all the idiots and really horrible chefs are gone, I usually lose interest. Also, Gordon's shows from the U.K., shown on BBC America, are much better than the Fox shows. He is a lot calmer, I prefer when my boyfriend is calm. If I didn't have a DVR, I would probably not watch any of my boyfriend's shows. Also, I preferred when Heather referred to Randy Moss as my boyfriend. Having the second greatest receiver of all time as my boyfriend is much better than having a guy that cooks as my boyfriend.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Otto's in Coolidge Corner

Hey, have you figured out I like pizza yet? No, well, hey stupid, I like pizza, get with the facts. We went to a new pizza place in Brookline a long time ago (pre: "Eggs:"), called Otto's.

There were four of us there that evening, me, Heather, Lillian and David "Big Red" (you might know him as the pack of gum from previous blogs [he is not an actual pack of gum, I need to point that out. Lillian did not marry a pack of chewing gum, it's just his nickname, I would not allow a friend to marry an inanimate object]).
So, I was a little puzzled on what four people should order at a pizza restaurant. Each person buying a small pizza seemed inefficient. So, I suggested we get two large pizzas and also a small pizza, and this was agreed upon.
I knew we had to get one of their potato pizzas. It has mashed potatoes, scallions, and bacon on it. I told Heather that I wanted to get this potato pizza before we got there. So we sat down, and eventually the server came over and said:
"Can I take your beverage order?"
"Umh, yeah what beers do you have?"
This is the response from the server that I remember: "Well we have Circus Boy, Smuttynose IPA, Brooklyn Lager, blah blah blah hey Jeff how good is that Brooklyn going to taste, pretty good I imagine since it is one of your favorite tap beers blah blah blah." I ordered a Brooklyn, and so did the wife since she knows what's good for her.

As the server was walking away the wife startled me and yelled at the server, "Hey, can we order a large potato pizza while we think of the other pizzas. I'm hungry!" I was surprised but ultimately happy about my wife's actions since it meant pizza would be arriving sooner rather than later. Well, that's a lot of words, finally here's the fricking potato pizza photo:


That was a slice. I also took a picture of half of the pizza so here that is:


We also decided on a large pizza that had Spicy Pulled Pork, Scallions and Herb. 

I had a bite of that one, then I said "Wooh! that's some spicy pizza!" I looked over at the pack of gum and Lillian, and they were both adding red pepper to their slices, saying "Umh, I guess it's slightly spicy." 

I should mention that I picked out that pizza order too. The small pizza I left to the non-bloggers, they picked a pizza with: White Beans, Roasted Potatoes, Herb and Red Flake. We all came to a consensus that the two larges were the better pizzas. Heather, in fact, ate two slices of the small before she said "Hey, there's a bean in here! I thought we got a Margherita!" In conclusion, I am a professional blogger, so just let me pick the pizzas when you go to a pizza place. 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Eggs: Eggs Verde

Hey, what's with the "Eggs:" part of this blog's title?
Whoa, bold questions right away? OK, "Eggs:" is because I think this blog is cursed by an evil spirit and is trying to punish me.

Oh, I like eggs too - wait what? evil spirit?
Well, I think an evil spirit is offended by my blog and is taking it out on me. 

I like omelets too - wait what? you're still serious about this evil spirit thing?
Yes.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Amherst

Heather, Connor and I went to Amherst to visit my sister on an overnight trip. She is going to be a senior in college at UMass. You might think that seems young for being my sister (since I'm so old, thanks, jerk), but thinking back when I was 15, and poking her soft head when she was an infant, to me she seems all growns up and I miss those head poking days. 
Anyway, Connor mostly slept on the way and we got to Amherst. The first place we went to was Bueno Y Sano. Here's what Heather got:


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

$20 at Mighty Subs

So, I haven't blogged for a while. Sorry, no one. I took some pictures of food in the meantime, of course. But if I did a blog about each one, it would just be titled, "Crappy Photo of Food No One Cares About." Then I spent $20 at Mighty Subs yesterday. So now I present "Crappy Photo of Food That Only Everyone in the World Cares About":



Are you guys amazed at how awesome that photo is? I will just assume your answer is yes. So to placate your need for more crappy food photos, I have another angle:


Food! That is a small hamburger sub with onions and mustard. The hamburger sub is for my mother-in-law. Are the condiments MO or OM? I'll go with MO. 

I also got a large Buffalo Chicken Cutlet sub with LTPO and blue cheese. LTPOBC? That's a shitty acronym. Let's go with BOLT PC, that's better. Combine it with the other one and we have BOLT COMP. Woah, that's actual words. 

What else is in the photos? Oh that's just a giant order of fries.

Anyway, I got a crap load of food with BOLT COMP and fries for $20.  
I guess I should end this blog soon. Oh, to end the blog really randomly, and to celebrate my favorite Olympics ever, here is the best photo from the Olympics:
Jessica Ennis, Gary 'Mani' Mounfield, Jimmy Page, Pete Reed, John Squire, Alan 'Reni' Wren, Bradley Wiggins, Mick Jones and Ian Brown
In the photo are all of the Stone Roses, three British gold medalists, oh and the guitarists for Led Zeppelin and the Clash. First, I love that in a group including five famous musicians, soon-to-be-Sir Wiggins, a guy that rides a bike for a living, looks the coolest. Second, if you told me to pick nine British people to hang out with,that photo would basically be the photo from that evening. I guess in this imaginary scenario you created (you jerk), I'm taking the photo since I'm not in it.

In conclusion, good luck, Rio.


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

In the News

Connor and I made the local news yesterday.


UPDATE!
I'm now one of those guys that films their TV. Here's the video:


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Letter to the FDA




Dearest FDA,
There's a sicko at Pepperidge Farm creating a Goldfish™Centipede, yelling "Feed her!" Do something about it!

Regards,
Jeff

Monday, July 30, 2012

Better Know Your Arnie: Alchie Arnie

BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.

I saw this new Arnie that has booze in it. I call it Alchie Arnie:


Other name options I considered were: the John Daly, or the Tiger Woods Getting-Ladies-In-the-Zone Beverage. Those aren't good, so let's just call it Alchie Arnie. 

When I first saw this beverage, the first thing I thought was: that's an excited Arnie on the can, thrusting his fist, and "HARD"is in giant letters in his crotch. So I laughed since I'm 12. The second thing I thought was that it was going to taste bad. Like, really bad, I was positive. Generally any of these malt beverages are pretty bad, Four Loko excluded of course. Anyway, it was horrible. If you want an Arnie with alcohol, I would just take a regular Arnie and add some vodka to it. That tastes a lot better than Alchie Arnie.

Jeff's Score*: 10
Varieties: The Can and some weird glass jug
Availability: Low
Stores: Packies

*Jeff's Score is a weighted score where Regular Arnie is a 90, Redneck Arnie is a 20, the one Skinny Arnie I had that tasted like metal is a 0

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Jeff's Favorite Food in the World

If you read my earlier blog about my second father's day, you will remember that I teased that I would be having my favorite food in the world the next week. If you didn't read it, click on those blue letters. I made them bluey for you. 

Now you must be curious what my favorite food in the world is. To further tease you, I'll just say that this food has not been in my blog yet. (Yeah, I know you can scroll down and see what it is, but just let me believe you are in moderate to high suspense. Oh, I figured out how to put jump breaks in the blogs, I'm going to put one of those in here soon, so maybe you can't actually scroll down)

Alright, my favorite food in the world is:

Monday, July 16, 2012

Mighty Subs: The Italian

OK, back on (dumb) topic. I present to you the Mighty Subs Monday special, the Italian:

Thursday, July 12, 2012

England: England

Good blog title, huh?

I swear this is the last England post, I've been home for over a week for Pete's sake. But I still have a bunch of pictures so you have to deal with them. To catch you up, I went to Wimbledon and a Stone Roses concert. (Mom, those are links. You click on them. With your mouse. I know you don't have a mouse. Use the cursor. The thing that moves with your fingers. I think we just lost my mom).

Saturday, July 7, 2012

England: The Stone Roses at Heaton Park

I planned my trip to England at just about the very last minute. Exactly two weeks before I left, I bought my plane ticket, and also my ticket for the concert. I went to bed excited that night, then woke up and decided to check how their latest warmup concert went and saw this headline: "Stone Roses Split Up Again as Reni Walks Off in Amsterdam and Goes Home." That was not the best start of a morning. I then spent a good while trying to figure out what happened, and it seems like everyone overreacted. I figured to cancel the Manchester concerts would cost them a lot of money, so that wouldn't happen. Instead, for the next week I was completely worried about whether my ticket would arrive in time. I would practically accost the mailman asking if he had an international letter. Then a week before the concert, I got an email from the ticket people letting me know they are not shipping them overseas, so I can pick them up at the concert.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

England: Jeff Goes to Wimbledon

When I would talk to people about my trip to England, I would inevitably get weird looks and the question, "Wait, you're going all the way to England to go to a concert?" I would diffuse this by saying "Oh! I'm also going to Wimbledon." But, the fact was that I didn't have a ticket to the tennis. So, it was very important that I actually set foot inside the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, to prove my relative sanity. I did my research and I had a good plan to get inside. What is unique about Wimbledon is that every day they sell day of tickets to the first people in line, or "the Queue" as they call it. Signs for "the Queue" had the quotation marks and capitalization, I found that funny, so I'm keeping those.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

England Day Four: Art

I went to the Damien Hirst exhibit, and I call the piece pictured "Suck it, Jaws!". I think it's much better than the actual title "The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living". Don't you think?

England Day Four: Gloucestershire Old Spot Sausage Dinner

I went to a pub and was starving so I ordered the sausage meal. They said it would be 30 minutes. 6 minutes later it arrived. Minutes must be shorter here.



 The description was Gloucestershire old spot sausage with mash, battered onion rings, rioja, red currant and rosemary au jus. Mash is mashed potatoes if you couldn't figure that out. I don't know what makes the sausages old spot, or Gloucestershire, but they were quite tasty.

Anyway, this one really hit the spot. I also had a couple beers.


Some bitter, and a Carling. Bitter is a type of beer I should say since I explained what mash is. I got the Carling because an actual cold beer sounded good. And it was on sale for £2.50. That's about it, I guess.

England Day Four: Dandelion and Burdock

I went to go get my morning soda (don't judge me) when I noticed they had several types of a soda called Dandelion and Burdock. Having never heard of it, and always on the lookout for new sodas, I bought one.


I have to say it was one of the worst tasting beverages I have ever had. Burdock is apparently that black licorice taste. Dandelion, I think is supposed to taste like dandelions, the plant. So picture a combination of black licorice and a plant. It was gross.



Saturday, June 30, 2012

England Day Three: Chips with Curry

Day three was the Stone Roses concert. I'm going to have to blog about that when I get home. Too many pictures to blog on my phone. Before the concert I got chips with curry sauce.


That's my favorite order from a fish and chip shop. It was only £2. That's about $3.10. £1.20 for the chips, £0.80 for the curry sauce. They give you a tiny fork to eat it with.


England Day Two: Train Food

I had to get to Manchester so I took the train. I splurged and got first class. First I want to say how awesome trains are here. They make Acela look like the Little Engine that Could. The trip is 200 miles. It had 4 stops and still only took 2 hours. Also, the cost is pretty good. First class was about $50. Acela first class to NY (roughly the same distance) is, what, $150?

Seats were reserved so I took my seat. Then across the table from me sat a roughly 50 year old guy. The first thing he did was pull a can of beer from his bag and start drinking it. It was 11am. He finished that one, then had another. Beer is free in first class so he had two more before the end of the train. Near the end he pulled out a tobacco tin that had a marijuana leaf decal on it and started rolling cigarettes. He seemed like a pro. It kept me entertained.

Anyway, the food.


It was a trio of crappy English sandwiches. One was ham and cheese. Another was called chicken mayonnaise. The third was cream cheese and cucumbers. I guess not too bad for free.

I am writing this blog on the train back to London. There's only 15 minutes left and they haven't come around with food. I feel ripped off. I demand crappy sandwiches!



England Day Two: Altrincham

I went to visit my friend Simon in Altrincham. I then met his fiancé Claire and her brother. Ah, what the heck, I will put the first picture of me in this dumb blog.


 I'm the one in the Sox hat, Simon is the tall one, you can figure out the rest. They all got a kick out of me pronouncing Altrincham. First we went to a pub and had these beers. 






They were only £1.99 each. There's no tipping here so that's cheap. I forget what type they were, Simon picked them. They were bitters and quite tasty. While enjoying the beers, a lady came over and gave us free curry. 






Simon was not impressed with the curry, but, hey, free curry. Then we went to get a proper curry as they say. I got the tandoori mixed grill. It had like 5 different tandoori meats. I enjoyed it, my best meal here yet.


Then we went to Claire's parents' house and Simon gave me this Desperado beer.



Beer flavored with tequila. It was so bad I had to take a picture of it. I looked at the ingredients and one ingredient was: flavouring (75% tequila). I thought that was funny because, what does that even mean? Also, they spell flavoring funny.


England Day Two to Three: Cycle Hire

I rented a bike for my time in Manchester. If you look at the pictures you'll see I had a little surprise when I went to go return it this morning. Yup, someone stole my rear wheel.

Now I should point out that I know what I am doing with bikes and I am pretty anal about locking them up. When I went to lock up the bike I looked if the front wheel was quick release and it wasn't. My mistake here was I didn't look at the rear wheel. I just figured the rear wheel wouldn't be quick release if the front wasn't. The thief was nice enough to leave the axel though which was quick release.

I had two options, return the bike or just don't bother. They took £100 for a deposit so I would be out that much if I just left the bike. But I figured the wheel wouldn't cost close to that.

The bike shop guy first didn't believe it was quick release even though I had the axel. Then he started adding up the costs for all the parts and came up with £80. That is close to $130. I said that was ridiculous (he agreed) and to use the wholesale price. He did that and came up with £39. Still pricey I thought but I was ok with that. Then he said he had to call the boss. After that conversation they said it was £60. I said "Don't you think that's too much?" He said yes but nothing he could do. So the total cost was £77 with the rental price.

I "saved" £23 by returning it. Returning it took 45 minutes to walk there carrying the bike, dealing with the bike guys, then walking back. Carrying it, I also got grease on my shorts. In retrospect I wish I had just left the bike and I could have kept the lock, helmet and lights, and I would have clean shorts.

In conclusion, uh I don't know, don't bike?



Thursday, June 28, 2012

England Day Two: Iced Tea! And Beer! Exclamation!

Well I found some iced tea and they were also nice enough to give me a cup of ice too. It was pretty good, though pricey at £2.


Then, hey it's 11am here, but it feels like 6am to me, that's beer time! They had a crappy selection at the train station pub so I ended up with a Fuller's London Pride. It was good but I know there's much better beers out there waiting for me.

England Day Two: Banksy

I saw two Banksy's in 10 minutes.

England Day Two: Full English Breakfast

I'm on record as proving the equation "Lunch > Breakfast", but I have to say a full English breakfast is pretty good. Well except for the giant pile of mushrooms. And the beans aren't so great. So I guess I like bacon and eggs.

Update: My British friend, Simon, pointed out a few things wrong with this breakfast. First, no sausage. Second, no blood pudding. Third, the tomato is raw, it should be grilled. All three things would have vastly improved this breakfast.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

England Day One: Ploughman's Sandwich

Well because of 2 hours in passport control, I didn't get to my hotel until after midnight. So no delicious beer yet. And I had to settle for a crappy sandwich. I went for my favorite crappy English sandwich, the Ploughman's. It is two types of cheese, lettuce, tomato and chutney. So LTC. I'm a vegetarian so far in England. But it was only £2.35. Hey! I figured out where the pound sign is located.

Monday, June 25, 2012

This Dumb Blog News: We're Going International!

I can't believe I'm at the point where this dumb blog has news, but here we are. But, I want to announce in advance to my faithful readers (maybe there's four of you weirdos) that I'll be heading to England on Wednesday for a little vacation. I'm not sure how this will affect the blog, but if I do post, it'll probably be through my phone. I hate typing on my phone, so I imagine any posts will be short and filled with typos, so I want to prepare you for that. I think what I am going to do is post a lot more frequently, since it is easy on the phone, then when I get back I'll probably combine a bunch of posts into daily blogs. Adjust your schedules accordingly.

Hey Jeff, what are you going to England for?
Uh, it's you again, bold imaginary question person. I should have expected you. I am going to England for a concert.

Cool! What band are you seeing, is it One Direction? They are awesome!
You have terrible musical taste BIQP. No, it is not One Direction. Though as an aside, I really have a hard time picking which member of One Direction has the most ridiculous hair:

If you held a gun to my dog's head, I would first say: "Really, you would shoot a dog over One Direction?" but then I think I would pick second from the right.

Screw you. What band is it then?
The Stone Roses

Oh, cool. Wait who?
The Stone Roses.  In this article, their first album was named Best British Album of All Time, just ahead of a little band called the Beatles. NME, a major British music publication, also named it the best album of all time in this article.

That's crazy, it should have been Take That!
That's not a question.

Oh, OK, tell me about this band, are they a boy band?
They are all boys in the band, but they are not a boy band. They came out with the Best British Album Ever in 1989, spent 6 years making the second album, which you won't find on any best album lists (though I still like it). Then they broke up. Last year they announced they were reuniting and playing three shows in their hometown of Manchester.

Lovely story, how did you become a fan of theirs?
Well, their first album came out in 1989, like I said. That was when I was a goofy 14 year old who stayed up to 2am every Sunday to watch 120 Minutes on MTV, and listened to WFNX too much. Also, since CD players were pretty new then, I only had a cassette player and I would make mix tapes of friends' music. Some friend had the Stone Roses album, so I made a copy. I then became a big fan of Britpop.

What the hell is Britpop?
Don't you have google? Britpop on wikipedia.

So you're traveling 4000 miles to see a band with basically one album? 
Yeah. Though if you add in B-Sides and the second album, it's not quite like that. My iTunes library has 131 Stone Roses songs.

Since I've never heard of this band, you must be seeing them in a nice intimate venue, right?
I like how you made that a question with "right?" But, no, I'll be seeing them in a massive park with 80,000 other people. Oasis was the last band that played in the park, here's a picture of what I am expecting:



I'll be the one in a Red Sox hat. I did splurge and get the VIP package, which is a private tent and I get 4 drink credits and 2 food credits. I'm very curious what the drink and food will be like there, so I will at least blog about those.

Whatever, what do they sound like?
They didn't make many videos, but here's probably their best one:


Here in the USA, this is their most popular song, I hear it on good radio stations sometimes:

That's from their second album, not the Best British Album Ever.

Also, if you are really interested, you can buy The Complete Stone Roses, which is their first album with all their singles and B-Sides, here, used for as low as $0.01. Or if you know me personally, I'll make you a copy if you ask nicely.

Whatever, again. I come to this blog for pictures of sandwiches and iced tea. Whatcha going to do about that?
Well, a long aside: When I was in college, I spent one semester abroad at the University of Bradford in Bradford, England. Because of that experience, I like to defend British cuisine whenever someone is making fun of it. I point out that London is one of the culinary capitals of the world. Also, Indian food in England is very good and plentiful, much better than the USA. I think England used to own India or something, ask Ghandi. But, for the purpose of this dumb blog, yeah the cuisine is pretty bleak. Sandwiches there are terrible. They consist of weird fillings, like prawn salad, on crappy bread. Also, for the amount of tea British people drink, it is surprising that they hardly ever put it over ice. At the end of my semester in England, I was traveling around the UK when in Edinburgh I spotted a Snapple. I sprinted over and chugged it in three sips. That was the only iced tea I saw in my four months in the UK. I'm sure the situation is better now, but I won't be doing any BKYA's I imagine. But the one saving grace for this blog is french fries, or chips as they call them. Did you hear I spent a semester in England? Well, I did, and when I was there I got two meals a day at the dorm cafeteria. Every meal they had chips available. So, I would go up to the line, check out the crappy available foods, and probably 2/3 of the time I would have chips as my dinner. Like, oh, liver pie is for dinner, yup, just give me lots of chips. Also, a week into my semester, I made a frantic phone call to my mom to send me some black pepper. The only pepper they had there I not-so-affectionately called "ass pepper." Once I had the black pepper, which took one month since my mom wrote down the wrong post code, people used to congregate to my table to sample the delicious black pepper. So expect lots of blogs about french fries.

While you were busy with that crappy answer, I figured out google. Which guy in this picture has the most ridiculous hair?

Fair enough. That's the Stone Roses. I would say John Squire on the far right. But that was from 1989. I'm sure no one that was of age in 1989 would be happy seeing their hair on a dumb blog. 

Ok, enough about some band, what should we expect on this dumb blog while you are away?
Well here's my itinerary:

Wed. June 27th: Fly to London, arrive late, maybe get a beer at some pub. The beer in England is the best.

Thursday June 28th: Train to Manchester, then I'm meeting a friend in a suburb of Manchester at night. You should probably expect more pubs. 


Friday June 29th: The concert is in the evening. I'll probably try to get a kebab during the day. Kebabs in England are delicious. I should have mentioned that when I was blogging about cuisine.

Saturday June 30th: Back to London. I'm going to try to go to the late session of Wimbledon this day. So expect strawberries and cream or some crap.

Sunday July 1st: This day is open, there's no Wimbledon this day. I'll probably go to the Tate Modern. There's a Damien Hirst exhibit. Yeah, me like art. Then off to check out Olympic Park. I will take a self-portrait then make a joke like "I thought it said 7/1, not 8/1!" So prepare yourself to laugh a lot.

Monday July 2nd: Depending on how my previous trip to Wimbledon went, I might queue for a while to go during the day session. So, more strawberries. Then I don't know what.

Tuesday July 3rd: I fly back at night, but I have no idea what I'll do during the day.

OK. Wait, what band are you seeing again?
Oasis

Friday, June 22, 2012

Better Know Your Arnie: Mango Non-Arnie


BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.

This is very similar to Tropical Non-Arnie, but instead of half tropical, whatever that means, it is half mango. I assume that means half mango juice. Half mango juice for less than $1, why haven't you bought any of these yet? So I call this one Mango Non-Arnie.


I don't have much to say about this one, just read the Tropical Non-Arnie review. Or don't, we're just talking about stupid beverages here. Anyway, this one is good, so I will score it higher than the Tropical Non-Arnie. Who cares though. This has been a depressing review of a delicious iced tea beverage.

Jeff's Score*: 77

Varieties: All
Availability: Very Low
Stores: City Convenience




*Jeff's Score is a weighted score where Regular Arnie is a 90, Redneck Arnie is a 20, the one Skinny Arnie I had that tasted like metal is a 0

Jeff Makes Bad Food: The Italian-American

Hey Jeff, you sure do take lots of pictures of sandwiches, don't you ever make sandwiches yourself? It's not rocket science, loser.


You are getting way too hostile, imaginary question person. But, yeah, I buy bread and put stuff between it occasionally. Here is a picture of one of my favorite home sandwiches, I call it the Italian-American:








It is Genoa Salami, American Cheese, and the toppings I happened to have in the fridge. In this case it was just lettuce, onions, and mustard. LOM. That was not the best combination of toppings, but whatevs, like you care. But, yeah, I love me some Genoa Salami, and any time I start to get snobbish about cheese, I always think, "hey, dummy, your favorite cheese is White American, get over yourself." I am very self-critical. I would get Genoa Salami more often, but Heather is never happy about it, complaining about nitrates and stuff. Because of her complaints, I usually get turkey at the deli, so you can look forward to a crappy turkey sandwich blog later. Oh, and also, nitrates are not a real thing.

In conclusion, I make crappy sandwiches. 





Tuesday, June 19, 2012

R.I.P. MCA

When Adam Yauch passed away, I have to say I was really sad. I watched Good Morning America the day after he died and their story on him was a couple minutes long and consisted solely of clips from the video "Fight for Your Right" and two seconds of a clip from "So Wat'cha Want." It was a really crappy tribute. This blog is just trying to be better than that, and it probably already is.

Better Know Your Arnie: Pommie Arnie

BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.

This is, I think, the rarest of the Arnie's, Pomegranate Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade. I call it Pommie Arnie.  

Jeff's Second Father's Day

I just had my second Father's Day as an actual father. Heather said I could do anything I wanted. Well, thanks a lot for your permission, but that is already my legal Father's Day Right. I immediately thought of the foods I wanted to get, though it didn't go as planned. Lucky for you guys I took a bunch of pictures. Let's start at breakfast:

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Better Know Your Arnie: Regular Arnie

BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.


I really should have done this review first, as the other BKYA reviews don't make sense without this one. Also, Regular Arnie, or just Arnie, is the original so it should have gone first. Let's start by taking a look at it in it's most common variety, the Can:


Monday, June 11, 2012

Jeff Goes to Whole Foods

I'm fairly new to shopping at Whole Foods as I've never lived close to one. Recently two opened near me so I've been easing into shopping there.

Here's how my typical shopping trip to Whole Foods goes: I usually go intending to get some specific item. This is usually beer. They have a good beer selection. But I always figure I'll get some other groceries while I am there. So I start shopping, and then I see something like this:



Fiddlehead Ferns for $7 a pound. It looks like an aggressive garden weed. I wish I could sell my aggressive garden weeds for $7 a pound. Then I start thinking that since this food doesn't exist in the natural world, Whole Foods is creating foods willy nilly. I then just want to leave. I go buy my intended item (beer) and get the rock out of there. 

Last year a Whole Foods opened on my usual biking route. So sometimes I take a break and grab some food and a beverage. I first head to the beverage wall and grab some beverage that is on sale, then check out the prepared food wall looking first at sale items (my wife has me trained well). If there's nothing good I get pizza. Pizza is never bad.

I've been there four times recently. I took pictures so now you have to look at them:

MEAL ONE


It's the Nantucket Nectars Non-Arnie with a small salami sandwich. Well, I guess I'll have to do a separate Nantucket Nectars Non-Arnie post, but I'll just say it tastes good, but it has almost twice the amount of calories as a Regular Arnie, so who cares, I prefer a Regular Arnie.

The sandwich was pretty good. Too many roasted peppers, they overwhelmed the delicious salami taste. 


MEAL TWO


It's Whole Food's meat lover's pizza with Organic Non-Arnie. This meat lover's slice was their special of the day. It was really good. The Organic Non-Arnie was also good, but again it has a lot more calories than a Regular Arnie, so no post for you.

MEAL THREE


Now this was a weird meal for me. I wasn't too hungry so I got some fresh shrimp spring rolls (VALUE ITEM!) and a Watermelon Strawberry beverage. I ate 1.5 spring rolls before I noticed there was a sauce packet underneath. The sauce was surprisingly good, it was pretty spicy too. 

MEAL FOUR



This one was a complete disaster. At the beverage wall, I got drawn to a sign for a beverage for $.69. As I got closer, I noticed the sign was messed up and it was $1.69. I went for it anyway. It is Granny Squibb's Unsweetened Lemon/Mint Tea. I usually avoid unsweetened tea, because I need some sweet, but this one had stuff floating around in it, so I figured it might be OK. It was not. It was marginally better than drinking tap water. I also got the Black Bean and Cheese burrito. It was on sale for $4. It was one of the worst burritos I've ever had, and I've had some bad burritos.  I got it because I thought it was a good deal, then I later remembered at Anna's their vegetarian quesadilla is less than $4. I ate about 1/3 of it and threw the rest away.  

In conclusion, I am the worst Whole Foods shopper, and I should always get a slice of pizza when I go there.