Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Letter to the FDA

Dearest FDA,
There's a sicko at Pepperidge Farm creating a Goldfish™Centipede, yelling "Feed her!" Do something about it!


Monday, July 30, 2012

Better Know Your Arnie: Alchie Arnie

BKYA is a feature on this dumb blog wherein Jeff writes too much about a variety of his favorite beverage, Arnold Palmer Iced Tea Lemonade.

I saw this new Arnie that has booze in it. I call it Alchie Arnie:

Other name options I considered were: the John Daly, or the Tiger Woods Getting-Ladies-In-the-Zone Beverage. Those aren't good, so let's just call it Alchie Arnie. 

When I first saw this beverage, the first thing I thought was: that's an excited Arnie on the can, thrusting his fist, and "HARD"is in giant letters in his crotch. So I laughed since I'm 12. The second thing I thought was that it was going to taste bad. Like, really bad, I was positive. Generally any of these malt beverages are pretty bad, Four Loko excluded of course. Anyway, it was horrible. If you want an Arnie with alcohol, I would just take a regular Arnie and add some vodka to it. That tastes a lot better than Alchie Arnie.

Jeff's Score*: 10
Varieties: The Can and some weird glass jug
Availability: Low
Stores: Packies

*Jeff's Score is a weighted score where Regular Arnie is a 90, Redneck Arnie is a 20, the one Skinny Arnie I had that tasted like metal is a 0

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Jeff's Favorite Food in the World

If you read my earlier blog about my second father's day, you will remember that I teased that I would be having my favorite food in the world the next week. If you didn't read it, click on those blue letters. I made them bluey for you. 

Now you must be curious what my favorite food in the world is. To further tease you, I'll just say that this food has not been in my blog yet. (Yeah, I know you can scroll down and see what it is, but just let me believe you are in moderate to high suspense. Oh, I figured out how to put jump breaks in the blogs, I'm going to put one of those in here soon, so maybe you can't actually scroll down)

Alright, my favorite food in the world is:

Monday, July 16, 2012

Mighty Subs: The Italian

OK, back on (dumb) topic. I present to you the Mighty Subs Monday special, the Italian:

Thursday, July 12, 2012

England: England

Good blog title, huh?

I swear this is the last England post, I've been home for over a week for Pete's sake. But I still have a bunch of pictures so you have to deal with them. To catch you up, I went to Wimbledon and a Stone Roses concert. (Mom, those are links. You click on them. With your mouse. I know you don't have a mouse. Use the cursor. The thing that moves with your fingers. I think we just lost my mom).

Saturday, July 7, 2012

England: The Stone Roses at Heaton Park

I planned my trip to England at just about the very last minute. Exactly two weeks before I left, I bought my plane ticket, and also my ticket for the concert. I went to bed excited that night, then woke up and decided to check how their latest warmup concert went and saw this headline: "Stone Roses Split Up Again as Reni Walks Off in Amsterdam and Goes Home." That was not the best start of a morning. I then spent a good while trying to figure out what happened, and it seems like everyone overreacted. I figured to cancel the Manchester concerts would cost them a lot of money, so that wouldn't happen. Instead, for the next week I was completely worried about whether my ticket would arrive in time. I would practically accost the mailman asking if he had an international letter. Then a week before the concert, I got an email from the ticket people letting me know they are not shipping them overseas, so I can pick them up at the concert.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

England: Jeff Goes to Wimbledon

When I would talk to people about my trip to England, I would inevitably get weird looks and the question, "Wait, you're going all the way to England to go to a concert?" I would diffuse this by saying "Oh! I'm also going to Wimbledon." But, the fact was that I didn't have a ticket to the tennis. So, it was very important that I actually set foot inside the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, to prove my relative sanity. I did my research and I had a good plan to get inside. What is unique about Wimbledon is that every day they sell day of tickets to the first people in line, or "the Queue" as they call it. Signs for "the Queue" had the quotation marks and capitalization, I found that funny, so I'm keeping those.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

England Day Four: Art

I went to the Damien Hirst exhibit, and I call the piece pictured "Suck it, Jaws!". I think it's much better than the actual title "The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living". Don't you think?

England Day Four: Gloucestershire Old Spot Sausage Dinner

I went to a pub and was starving so I ordered the sausage meal. They said it would be 30 minutes. 6 minutes later it arrived. Minutes must be shorter here.

 The description was Gloucestershire old spot sausage with mash, battered onion rings, rioja, red currant and rosemary au jus. Mash is mashed potatoes if you couldn't figure that out. I don't know what makes the sausages old spot, or Gloucestershire, but they were quite tasty.

Anyway, this one really hit the spot. I also had a couple beers.

Some bitter, and a Carling. Bitter is a type of beer I should say since I explained what mash is. I got the Carling because an actual cold beer sounded good. And it was on sale for £2.50. That's about it, I guess.

England Day Four: Dandelion and Burdock

I went to go get my morning soda (don't judge me) when I noticed they had several types of a soda called Dandelion and Burdock. Having never heard of it, and always on the lookout for new sodas, I bought one.

I have to say it was one of the worst tasting beverages I have ever had. Burdock is apparently that black licorice taste. Dandelion, I think is supposed to taste like dandelions, the plant. So picture a combination of black licorice and a plant. It was gross.