Eggs: Sunny Side Up

This will be a nice and short blog because, I've been writing about eggs too much. But, I made Sunny Side Up eggs the other day. This is the egg:

Eggs: Poached Eggs

I woke up the other day, sprung out of bed and said "I'm going to make poached eggs today!" It was a strange start to the day. The thing is, I had no idea how poached eggs are made. Whenever I've had them they usually had been Benedictized with ham and Hollondaise sauce. I knew it involved boiling water, that's about it. So to the internet! I did research. I think this link helped the most.

I told Heather about my grand plan to conquer the poaching of an egg. She rushed out to the store and came back with heirloom eggs:

Eggs: Scrambled Eggs

Whenever Heather and I are watching TV, and she sees Gordon Ramsay, she says, "Hey, there's your boyfriend." I usually mumble back: "That's not my boyfriend, jerk face." The reason she calls him my boyfriend is because I watch a bunch of his shows, like Hell's Kitchen, Masterchef, and Kitchen Nightmares. So, Heather is bombarded with me watching Gordon Ramsay, my apparent boyfriend. I need to point out that Hell's Kitchen is a horrible show. The editing is annoying, the people are just terrible cooks and I only watch it because it is a complete train wreck. By the end of the season, when all the idiots and really horrible chefs are gone, I usually lose interest. Also, Gordon's shows from the U.K., shown on BBC America, are much better than the Fox shows. He is a lot calmer, I prefer when my boyfriend is calm. If I didn't have a DVR, I would probably not watch any of my boyfriend's shows. Also, I preferred when Heather referred to Randy Moss as my boyfriend. Having the second greatest receiver of all time as my boyfriend is much better than having a guy that cooks as my boyfriend.

Eggs: Eggs Verde

Hey, what's with the "Eggs:" part of this blog's title?

Whoa, bold questions right away? OK, "Eggs:" is because I think this blog is cursed by an evil spirit and is trying to punish me.

Oh, I like eggs too - wait what? evil spirit?

Well, I think an evil spirit is offended by my blog and is taking it out on me. 

I like omelets too - wait what? you're still serious about this evil spirit thing?

Yes.

Jeff Makes Bad Food: The Italian-American

Hey Jeff, you sure do take lots of pictures of sandwiches, don't you ever make sandwiches yourself? It's not rocket science, loser.


You are getting way too hostile, imaginary question person. But, yeah, I buy bread and put stuff between it occasionally. Here is a picture of one of my favorite home sandwiches, I call it the Italian-American:

It is Genoa Salami, American Cheese, and the toppings I happened to have in the fridge. In this case it was just lettuce, onions, and mustard. LOM. That was not the best combination of toppings, but whatevs, like you care. But, yeah, I love me some Genoa Salami, and any time I start to get snobbish about cheese, I always think, "hey, dummy, your favorite cheese is White American, get over yourself." I am very self-critical. I would get Genoa Salami more often, but Heather is never happy about it, complaining about nitrates and stuff. Because of her complaints, I usually get turkey at the deli, so you can look forward to a crappy turkey sandwich blog later. Oh, and also, nitrates are not a real thing.

In conclusion, I make crappy sandwiches. 

Jeff Makes Bad Food: Pepperoni Tabouli Cheesy Flatbread

Hey guys. Long time no blog. Sorry, about that. As a special treat I will share one of my unique recipes. This one I call Pepperoni Tabouli Cheesy Flatbread. Uh, I guess you don't need the recipe since the name lists all of the ingredients. Here's the picture:

Alright, I'll give you the recipe. 

1. Have your mother-in-law make fresh tabouli. Oh, what's that? You don't have a mother-in-law making fresh tabouli for you? Well, stupid, buy some tabouli at the store. It's just better if you do have a mother-in-law making you fresh tabouli. This is a long first step to a recipe.

2. Cut up some pepperoni and monterey jack cheese. Oh, you don't have those? Well, smell you later, get off my blog, because those are the two best things in the world. After Arnie of course. 

3. Put that pepperoni and cheese on the flatbread.

4. Put it in an oven.

5. When it's all melty and delicious looking, take it out. 

6. Throw that tabouli on that thang.

7. Eat it, dummy.