Thursday, May 10, 2012

Zooey Deschanel Apple Ad

I'm going to try something new on this blog. I will now make mean comments about a pretty, talented lady that happens to really annoy me. Zooey Deschanel has made an Apple Ad, and I will analyze it.

I should note that I am not a fan of Ms. Deschanel. I hated that movie (500) Days of Summer. But I think my dislike mostly stems from the episode of Top Chef she was on. She had the most high-maintenance dietary restrictions I have ever heard. I looked for the video to get her quote right for this dumb blog. She says "I am a vegetarian, so I can't eat any meat, fish, eggs, or dairy... also I have a few dietary restrictions. I am gluten intolerant, and don't eat soy (shrug)." It annoyed me she couldn't just say "I am vegan, also no gluten and soy please (shrug)." The whole episode is the chefs assembling vegan, gluten and soy free meals, not good. But besides her choice to appear on a cooking show with these weird restrictions, I am very tolerant, and it would still be fine with me if it wasn't a pack of lies. In this article she is now chowing on meats (shrug).

Serenity now, Jeff. OK, I should get to the ad.  Here's the ad:



0:00-0:03 "Is that rain?" Ok here we are and Zooey thinks it might be raining. She must think this for a particular reason. Probably because she hears it. She hears rain. Nothing else really sounds like rain on a roof. It's either rain or hundreds of birds landing on her roof and taking off constantly. She is not quite sure which one, so she decides to ask her phone. That seems sensible. She seems to be in a well lit bathroom. The bathroom probably has a window. She makes a lot of money. If you have a lot of money, you have a window in your bathroom. Look out the window Zooey.

0:03 Siri sounds very condescending in her answer. For good reason, it is probably the dumbest question Siri has ever been asked.

0:04-0:06 Zooey makes a very weird noise here when she approaches the window. It's like "Ooo-errr-ah" but quick. This is her reaction to getting really close to the window and actually seeing rain. When they cut to the other shot at 0:06 the room looks pretty big. You think she would have noticed the rain before she was 1 foot from the window and would have made the noise earlier. But let's talk about that noise. Previously to this she heard what she thought was rain and her super advanced phone said it was raining. Yet she is still clinging to the hundreds of birds hypothesis. So the noise is her thinking "Aww, I figured it was raining, but I was holding out hope for that bird thing."

0:06-0:09 "Let's get tomato soup delivered." First, Siri really should snap and say "That's not a question, dummy!" She wants to get tomato soup delivered. So she does not even have a crappy can of tomato soup in her house. She is so screwed when the poles shift. 

0:09-0:11 Now Siri is answering the non-question with a list of places that weirdly deliver tomato soup. While Zooey is listening to this her eyes move side to side a few times. She's looking for intruders. Zooey is always on guard for intruders.

0:13-0:15 "... cause I don't want to put on real shoes." OK, that's a strange reaction to a super advanced phone answering your weird food delivery request. But more importantly, here Zooey builds suspense with the term "real shoes." OMG, you guys, this means Zooey is currently wearing not real, weird shoes, I bet they show them soon! 

0:15 Cut to Zooey in her living room where we get to see her shoes! Wait, it appears she is either wearing socks or at best small slippers. It's not even clear. That's a major disappointment. I was expecting clown shoes. Or Gene Simmons KISS shoes.

0:16 Shot of Living Room: Take a look at her decorations. Does she have two ukelele's? I'm not sure if they are both ukeleles so I will not make any "who owns two ukeleles?" jokes. But in addition she has a piano, a banjo, a drum, and possibly a giant cowbell. How annoying must the jam sessions at Casa Deschanel be? 

0:17-0:19 Can you believe the amount of words devoted to 17 seconds so far? If you learn nothing else from this post, you should learn I have some issues. But let's get to "Remind me to clean up...tomorrow". The pause before tomorrow is supposed to say "Hey, Zooey is just like you, she puts things off." Well, what is she putting off? The room seems really clean, except for one thing, one very strange thing. There are hundreds of books and periodicals on and in front of the couch. There is no other mess in that room. I only have one guess about how such a couch/book thing could happen. She put out a book for every bird she thought was visiting. That didn't work out, so now she has to clean...tomorrow. Poor birds, ooo-errr-ah.

0:22-0:24 "...today we are dancing." Oh goody!

0:25-0:26 "Play 'Shake, Rattle and Roll'" She picked Elvis, I guess that is about what I would expect, certainly wouldn't expect Death Cab at this point. Wait, it's the original Big Joe Turner version. Aw, Zooey, you're so cool.  

0:26-0:30 Since today we are dancing, she dances. It consists of two heel kicks. Bruno Tonioli says "FOUR!"

In conclusion, Samuel L. Jackson: you are lucky they made a crappier ad than yours.

2 comments:

  1. LOL! And I thought I was the only one annoyed by that ad! You should have a TTSOZD feature more often. Next time, analyze an episode of New Girl. I will be more prepared by not drinking coffee while trying to read it.

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    1. I don't think I can sit through a whole episode. 30 seconds for the ad was my limit.

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